Dueduedue官方博客
扫描关注Dueduedue官方博客

扫描添加微信客服

SOP的动机Motivation该怎么写?

Dueduedue官方博客2018-05-12文书修改 682 0A+A-

3.jpg

留学文件 Statement of Purpose 或 Personal Statement 的动机段落要具体展现学术兴趣。

通常动机是写在第一段,当一个开场白,说明为什么会对这间学校的这个系所有兴趣。

写动机的重点有两个:

动机是你的兴趣

动机需要承过去的经验,启未来的计画

所谓动机就是你的兴趣的意思是,动机是回答:「为什么过去做了这些事,为什么要申请这个系或所?」正确的答案只有一个:「因为我有兴趣」。真实的答案可能有很多,因为学校漂亮、学校排名好、有奖学金、男朋友或女朋友在那边念、爸妈叫我申请这间、好申请、代办推荐的、未来比较好赚等等。但写在SOP之中,只能说「因为我有兴趣」。

但是你对很多事情都有兴趣,不见得每一个你都想正式的念或当职业。这时就引到第二个重点,动机需要承过去的经验,启未来的计画。所谓承过去的经验,就是你的动机跟过去经验的关系,过去经验如何引领你现在想要申请这间学校的这个系所。所谓启未来的计画就是,动机跟你的未来计画有什么样的关系。动机是全文贯穿的主轴。

如果动机写的不是你的兴趣,像是只是纯粹职业发展的考量,听起来就会冷冰冰的,没有研究的热情。英文的动机是motivation,有热情就是很motivated。

如果动机没有承过去经验、启未来计画的话,会变成过去的经验是过去的经验,跟现在的申请、未来的计画通通都没有关系,各自独立,没有形成文章一体的感觉。

同学可能受到我们传统教育的影响,念完大学就很自然的要念硕士,念完硕士也很自然的念博士,或是工作一阵子想回学校再拿一个学位,就是为了未来能找到更好的工作。动机很简单,多念点书是上进努力的好事,整个社会都这样鼓励,问为什么要深造,就像在问为什么要吃饭一样白痴。

西方世界虽然也很看重教育,但是比较没有华人这种教育至上,只有读书才是王道的想法。要继续求学是要有一定的决心的。而且西方教育比较重视个人的想法跟决定,所以为什么「你」决定要继续求学,或是为什么「你」决定要找什么样的工作、做什么样的事,都是你的自由。不像华人世界,反正念书就是「正途」,没什么好解释动机不动机的。

以下为问题写法范例:

I am applying to Creative Writing because I have always liked writing short stories since I was a child. I continued to write many stories throughout junior high school and high school. Majoring in English Literature in university, I took many creative writing courses to further improve my writing skills. I am applying to the Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing Program at ABC University because I believe your training can help me write better. My goal is to become a professional writer. The program is where I can challenge myself and hone my writing skills.

以下一一说明这个例子的写法的问题点:

I am applying to Creative Writing because I have always liked writing short stories since I was a child. I continued to write many stories throughout junior high school and high school. 大概申请Creative Writing的同学有八成以上都会有类似的经验,而且都会这样写,背景都是同一个模版印出来的。喜欢写short stories,什么样 的short stories?写了多少?朋友老师有什么反应?没有任何的细节,只有模糊的喜欢写short stories,有写等于没写。

Majoring in English Literature in university, I took many creative writing courses to further improve my writing skills. 修了什么样的课程?做了什么?写了什么creative writing? Improve了什么样的writing skills?全部都模模糊糊。

I am applying to the Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing Program at ABC University because I believe your training can help me write better. My goal is to become a professional writer. The program is where I can challenge myself and hone my writing skills.九成九的申请者都是未来想成为作家,希望在这间学校增进什么能力?希望自己成为什么样的作家?

例子中的同学是申请Creative Writing,但是什么科系都会出现这样的写法。申请Computer Science的就会说:

I am applying to Computer Science because I have always liked computers since I was a child. I competed in many contests throughout junior high school and high school. Majoring in Computer Science in university, I took many computer science courses to further improve my computer skills . I am applying to the Master of Science in Computer Science Program at ABC University because I believe your training can improve my technical skills. My goal is to become a software engineer. The program is where I can challenge myself and hone my skills.

改写的方式是对照三种常见问题一一改善:

没有例子证明:加一个鲜明的例子。

炫耀小时候就是天才:给例子的时候重点放在兴趣的描述。

小时了了大未必佳: 因为这个小时候的兴趣,后来做了什么事,不断学习。

另一种写法是练功打boss写法。这种写法就是把过去的经验列出来,等级愈练愈高,练到一定的程度来打学校这只boss。

这种写法的优点为:

总介绍好消化好吸收:动机段落通常是第一段,第一段做一个经验能力的总介绍,评审有一个概念,接下来的段落再深入细节,先有big picture比较好阅读。

不需要有创意:这种写法不用想梗,平铺直叙好下笔。

这种写法的两种常见问题为:

流水帐:各经验单独成立,跟动机没有直接的关系,把动机等同于经验的累积。

样样都强语气自大:一整排经验出发点是证明自己是强者,不是兴趣。

In high school, I was ranked top of my class. I scored 100 in both Physics and Mathematics in the University Entrance Exam. In my sophomore year, I competed in a national physics competition with over 500 competitors and won first place. Eventually, I graduated from university with a GPA of 3.98/4.0. For the above reasons, I believe I will do well in your graduate school.

上面这个例子之中,同学把自己从高中到大学的强项一排写出来,变成流水帐,而且动机不明确。动机不是「过去一向来都很强,所以现在申请很强的学校继续证明自己很强」。这个写法把动机等同于能力的累积。动机应该是兴趣。

由于练功打boss写法是把过去的强处一一写出来,很容易写成「这个很强,那个很强,那个也很强」,评审看了可能觉得很厌烦。写的时候语气要注意,讲述经验强项的目的是证明兴趣,不是证明自己很强。

改写的方式为写出为什么对Physics有兴趣,是什么样的课程,什么样的研究计画让你想申请物理所?动机就是兴趣。动机是贯穿全文的主轴。过去考了这些试,比了这些赛,为的是什么?正解就是「因为对物理有兴趣」。现在为什么要申请物理所?正解就是「因为对物理有兴趣」。过去的所有经验出发点就是动机,动机就是兴趣。讲述这些经验是为了证明你对物理的兴趣,不是用来证明你物理很强。

接下来的例子是一位念完硕士想申请博士的同学写的,动机就是:「希望能延续之前的研究,做XXX研究」。

The crucial reason for me to apply for a PhD in XXX is my research experience in [research areas A, B, and C]. . . . [details on research experience in areas A, B, and C] . . . I would like to continue pursuing the research I did in my [master's or university degree] and work on [research areas D and E].

这种写法动机扎不扎实,就是看研究经验扎不扎实。动机段落可以很简短的交待研究经验,标出大重点,像是研究领域或是成果。接下来各段细讲研究经验的时候,就需要很深入的说明研究目的、过程、结果、成果。只要接下来的段落讲述研究经验扎实,动机就会扎实。

这种写法不需要很热血的讲「我觉得某科目是全世界最有趣的科目」或是「我对某科目非常有兴趣」。兴趣是直接透过你做了什么研究来证明。如果研究计画够进阶,呈述得够深入,动机就会扎实。如果接下来的段落呈述研究经验时很笼统,或是所谓研究只是大学时修了几门很基础的课,说服力就会下降。

下面这个例子是有工作经验,想回去念硕士的同学写的:

When I graduated from university, I entered a law firm and gained three years of work experience. I later decided I wanted to work in the legal department of an NGO and support the development of the semiconductor industry with my legal expertise. I was in charge of drafting and reviewing contracts, settling legal disputes, and offering legal consultation. It was a new challenge since it was much different from my job at a law firm. Since all I knew was law theory, it was difficult to offer suitable advice when I did not have sufficient background knowledge of my clients' business model and technology. I was not able to cover all the risks. Thus I always asked my colleagues and other experts and conducted research online. Moreover, I needed to have an understanding of governmental policies . Finally, I had to think about how to give easy to understand and useful advice. At first I did not do my job well but I am now a mentor who can give new staff members training. I now have the abi lity to consider issues from a wide number of perspectives. I feel confident about pursuing a career in this area. This is why I am applying to your program.

上面这个例子想表达的是艰苦的练功的过程,从大学开始讲,一个经验一个经验讲下去,遇到什么问题、克服什么、学到什么,看起来非常的详细,最后接到动机,看起来也顺理成章。

这个写法的问题是像流水帐,而且动机不明确。

讲了非常多经验,经验也都围绕一个很大的主题 (法律),但是经验之间的连结以及这些经验跟动机是什么关系没交待清楚。

目前的写法动机是:「获得A经验、B经验、C经验、D经验,克服困难1、困难2、困难3,我准备好了,因此来申请你们学校。」

动机不能等于能力的累积。动机是回答为什么你会累积出这么多工作经验?为什么挑这些工作来做?做了这么多是为了什么?动机是兴趣。

动机应该是:「我未来想做的工作是to provide technology law consultation」。

动机要承过去经验,要启未来计画。过去的经验都朝向to provide technology law consultation方向前进。这位同学也不是一开始就知道自己想要to provide technology law consultation,而是一个从law到technology law的过程。

大学念法律 → law firm work experience → NGO law experience → NGO technology law experience → semiconductor company technology law experience → (future) to provide technology law consultation

现在申请这间学校是因为未来希望能够 to provide technology law consultation。

改写后:

I am applying to your program because I am pursuing a career in technology law consultation. I have a background in law, having studied law in university, and work experience in legal consultation and more specifically, technology law consultation. In terms of my academic qualifications , I graduated from university with a GPA of 3.84/4.0 and successfully passed the bar exam in 2010. As for legal consultation, I have three years' work experience in a law firm, two years' experience as a legal advisor in an NGO, and one year's experience as a legal advisor in ABC, a semiconductor company. I first became interested in technology law when I was working in the NGO. I supported the development of the semiconductor sector with my legal expertise. I learned about my clients' business models and gained basic knowledge of the semiconductor industry through doing my own research and learning from technology experts in the organization. With my legal expertise and basic understanding of th e semiconductor industry, I was offered a job to work as a legal advisor in ABC. I decided I would pursue a career in technology law consultation since this is an area where Taiwanese companies fall behind their international counterparts. I need more training in X, Y, and Z. This is why I am applying to your program.

Dueduedue服务-【essay代写】【英语SOP代写】全球在线写作中心

文章关键词
SoP修改
Sop代写
sop润色
文书润色服务
文书修改机构
留学文书机构
美国申请代写
留学申请代写
发表评论